Strap on dildo

Before size or shape, decide how the shaft will be held, since that changes how it feels to wear and how much it moves:

Dildo panties: Also sold as dildo pants, these look like briefs or shorts with the shaft fixed at the front, so they go on in seconds and stay centered. Realdick's Beck builds a soft, lifelike silicone shaft into a pair of strap shorts.

O-ring dildo harness: Adjustable waist and thigh straps hold any flared-base dildo through a ring, so one harness works with many shafts, like Realdick's Orin. Sex educator Reneé Denya told VICE, "A slim-backed harness is better for smaller dildos, and a wider backed one for girthier ones."

Silicone brief: A stretchy one-piece brief that either has the shaft built in or grips a suction cup base, with no buckles to adjust. It's the quickest strap dildo setup to pull on and rinses clean in the sink, like Realdick's Thalyn.

The best strap on dildo for you is the setup that matches your patience with straps, not the one with the biggest shaft.

Pegging dildos are chosen for the receiver, and the prostate changes what works. Carol Queen, co-creator of the Bend Over Boyfriend films, advises in Mic's pegging guide to "choose your dildo in consultation with said partner," so shop together. For a first try, the best dildo for pegging is usually shorter and slimmer than people expect: around 5 to 6 inches insertable, a tapered tip, a gentle upward curve toward the prostate a couple of inches inside, and a flared base the harness can hold tight. Flexible silicone forgives a clumsy angle better than a rigid shaft.

Realdick's Rico, a realistic pegging dildo in S and L that works with an O-ring harness or a silicone brief, lets you start small and size up only if he asks for more.

In the end, the best pegging dildo is the one he can relax around, not the one that looks impressive in the box.

Most advice is written for the receiver, but the person wearing it has a learning curve too. Three things to expect:

Pressure, not friction: A single-ended strap-on dildo presses on the pubic bone rather than giving direct sensation, so much of the thrill is visual and emotional: watching a realistic strap on dildo move with your hips and hearing how your partner responds. A small bullet vibrator slipped behind the base adds more.

Thrusting is a skill: Hips move differently when the shaft isn't part of your body. Queer sex educator Ruby Rare put it simply in VICE: "As lame as it sounds, practice thrusting!" Rolling from the pelvis and core instead of pumping from the knees keeps you going longer.

Your hands are free: With the harness doing the holding, both hands can steady hips, stroke your partner or hold a toy where they want it.

Give it a session or two. Strapon dildos feel more natural to wear once your body stops thinking about them.

A height gap is a common reason a strap-on feels awkward, because the shaft sits at the wearer's hips, not where the receiver's body is. Before buying longer, change the angle. Sex educator Taylor Sparks told Mic, "Two really good positions are a lifted missionary or doggy style," and both adjust easily.

In lifted missionary, a firm pillow under the receiver's hips raises them to meet a shorter wearer. From behind, a taller wearer can stand on the floor while the receiver kneels at the edge of the bed, bringing both pelvises level. With the receiver on top, the wearer lies flat and the receiver controls depth and pace. A strapon dildo with a gentle upward curve can make up a little of the angle too.

A hollow strapon dildo is worn over the penis, so he feels his partner's warmth and movement through the sleeve while the shaft adds length, girth or a new shape. Play can keep going as long as you both want, even after he's finished. Comfort comes down to fit:

Inner opening: It should hug without pinching. Too loose and the shaft wobbles; too tight and it presses after a few minutes. Check the inner measurement, not just the outside size.

Wall firmness: Thicker walls keep the shaft upright on their own, while thinner walls let more sensation through. One customer described his as having "just enough bend to be pliable, but strong enough to function well."

How it's held: Adjustable waist straps keep it centered for most play, and an open ball design lets the base sit flush against the body.

Realdick's hollow models run from 6 to 9 inches, so you can decide how much length to add before you buy.

Yes, when the dildo harness holds a second shaft facing inward. This kind of strap-on carries one shaft outward for the receiver and a shorter one inside the wearer, so each thrust is felt on both sides. In her Shepherd Express sex column, Laura Anne Haave described harnesses built to hold "two different dildos simultaneously" for exactly this.

Realdick's Zorvyn pairs an outer shaft with an inner one in a stretchy silicone harness; one customer wrote that "the inner shaft keeps me in it too, so we're both getting something out of every move." Choose an inner shaft slimmer and shorter than your solo favorite, since thrusting moves it constantly, and keep lube on the inside light, because too much lets the outer shaft slide.

Most strap-on dildos only reach one partner; if the wearer prefers anal, Realdick's universal silicone strap-on adds a vibrating anal plug inside a brief that holds a suction cup dildo of your choice.